My Journey

Today I met Joanna and Carmel at work. I gave Joanna an intensive acne facial. Her skin is Jacked!!! But if she comes regurlarly, we can get it and keep it under control. Carmel sat silently on the stool looking through 2 surf magazines. Then Jack came for a back facial. That was ok. I wasn't that comfortable. Too many memories I guess, and I was picking up the usual, from him. Him wanting more. the past. something other than who I am now or what I have to offer. I came right home and actually fell right to sleep with Lola after. She was hiding under the sofa all morning, sick I thought. Wouldnt go for a walk or even stir when I tried to bribe her with treats. THEN!!!! One of them pee'd on Kellys bed! whats up with that! on the bed!!! some sort of statement,,, not sure what though. Kelly was running around with Jake after school. House to house. She kept trying to reach me leaving messages, which I did appreciate, but its just not right for her to be running around like that. She is not old enough imo. So, i made her come home while the rest of them were about to go off and do more running around. I tried to explain to her my reasons, but she was one track mind... so I gave up and she's asleep I guess. I told her if she's going to act like this when she doesn't get her way, she can just be grounded in her room where I wont be subjected to her bad energy, and she can suffer all she wants. Her choice. Meanwhile, I have many candles burning, I burned some sage which really makes me feel at home. Some Amber incense, I have the birds chirping, the tv on, and my happy little haven is complete :) I just didnt feel right having Kelly gone... At least in her room, suffering or not, I feel ok inside. I thought about mark a lot since... He's so sweet. He really is. I have to be careful. slow is all. It's a trust thing between us. Neither of us are sure what the other is up to. Me, im afraid of drugs, alcohol abuse, etc., and he, I dont know. Maybe he is seeing someone. Living with her, in CC.. which would be why he only wants to see me at his shop, and that he doesnt offer this information could mean he is reserving the right to change his mind. I am bringing Jesse to him this week for a tat across his shoulders of his name, as he is turning 18 monday!!! omg! I have to see if i can take Jesse over there to plan it out in advance tomorrow since its not standard. And get a price. I have NO IDEA how much these things cost!!! Its not like i ever knew prices around PB. Anyway, mark did ask about Jesse and baseball. he was so sweet, all interested :) But is that a man who thinks im some stupid weak single mommy seeking a daddy? LOL OK So Im not much more trusting of motives than he is. Just tryin to hammer all this out. Trying to open my mind and see things for what they are, not what they arent, or arent anymore... see the truth of them and of myself. my motives, heart, thoughts. Interesting journey, im sure only to me. but this blog is for me only,anyway lol. RIP PB

There are 0 Comments for 3, February '06

Add A Comment

Name:

Email:

URL:

Message:

Performing Spam Check